In The Anniversary Party, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Alan Cummings (co-writers and directors) try to update the classic Hollywood line, “Hey everybody, let’s go out to the old barn and put on a show!” Sadly, the barn is not burned with them in it. Not that I really want them to die, but if they had been dead, this exercise in vanity would not have been made, and that wouldn’t have been a shame.

Jennifer and Alan play Sally and Joe, a Hollywood power couple who have been having marital problems for their entire marriage. To commemorate the fifth anniversary of their nuptials they have decided to have an anniversary party rather than spend the day alone with each other (which might have made a better film), and the film encompasses this one day.

And what a day it is! What an overblown, bloated, fat, stinking, pretentious day! The main thing that the film wants you, the viewer, to realize from that one day is that these are just plain ol’ ordinary people just like you and me with problems and arguments and philandering and drug use and lost dogs, too. Sally and Joe’s really great group of friends allow all of this to go on and they even join in, just to show Sally and Joe that their lifestyle is regular and average. It makes these people look pathetic.

Starring:
Alan Cumming, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Gwyneth Paltrow, John C. Reilly, Kevin Kline, Phoebe Cates
Directed By:
Jennifer Jason Leigh & Alan Cumming
Release Date:
June 8, 2001
MPAA Rating:
R for language, drug use and nudity.
Distributors:
Fine Line Features
1 Star

Standouts in the group: Kevin Kline as an arrogant leading man trying to break his stereotypical mold and John C. Reilly as his director, who’s life is a train wreck waiting to happen. Reilly’s scene after almost drowning in Sally and Joe’s pool tore me up and was the high point of the film, even if it was a low point for him. One of the few times I smiled during this film was when Kline danced an impromptu ballet with his real life daughter. Seeing such a small simple thing in this two hour piece of tripe was light-hearted and wonderful.

Pans: Can I blame anyone besides the two people that started this whole thing? I think not. Where’s my hammer? Let the bashing begin.

Is there anyone more annoying than Alan Cummings? Jesus! He was annoying in Circle of Friends, he was annoying with his fake Russian accent in Goldeneye and I’m sure untold more films that I haven’t wanted to see. The only time I’ve really liked him was in Spy Kids where he played the naïve children’s television host Fegan Floop. But then again, he did have a director that wasn’t himself. He plays a man who is little more than an eight year old boy with the mental clarity of an four year old. He likes to be bad and he hates it when he gets caught. Well, Alan, we caught you again, in a case of BAD ACTING!

Jennifer Jason Leigh can do spaced-out, and she can do introspective loner, but a self-centered diva she can’t very well do. Her whining and complaining put me over the edge and made me wonder why Sally loved Joe or if she loved the idea of loving Joe? She should have left his ass ages ago, instead of sticking around for five years so we could have the story of their anniversary party.

If a time machine actually existed, I would have traveled back to stop myself from renting this. Please take my advice and get something else.

It was nearly 4 pm on February 4, 1958, when a B-47 bomber, piloted by Major Howard Richardson and 2 other crew members, lifted off from Homestead Air Force Base near Miami, Florida. There mission that day was to practice to fly tandem with another B-47 and mimic the requirements of a wartime attack on targets in the Soviet Union. These missions, striving for realism, would include an aerial refueling, a round trip of about 5,000 miles at speeds up to 600 mph and an electronic “bomb drop” scored by a ground station in Europe or North America. Often along the way the bombers, to simulate reality, would be “attacked” by Air Force fighter aircraft. This day, however, to add another touch of realism to the mix, the B-47 flown by Maj. Richardson also contained within its bomb bay an 11-foot-7-inch-long, 7,600-pound Mk 15 Mod 0 thermonuclear weapon, which wasn’t standard practice for these types of missions.

While cruising westerly over the Gulf of Mexico Richardson’s B-47 refueled as was standard practice on these missions. Upon reaching New Orleans, Richardson turned northerly and proceeded to the Canadian border in preparation for a southerly turn to begin his “bomb run” on radar scoring facility at Radford, Virginia. Richardson’s B-47 “bombed” the target electronically and headed for home. The crew had covered 4000 miles in 8 hours and were ready to rest and relax. Richardson was told by a message from headquarters that on the return trip he would not be “attacked” by enemy fighters, which added a little bit of comfort to the remaining flight.

But no one seemed to have told Charleston Air Force Base in South Carolina. Lt. Clarence Stewart and two other pilots and three crew chiefs are readying their F-86 fighters to “attack” Richardson’s returning B-47. They had been given permission to attack Richardson’s plane any time before it landed in Florida.

At 12:09 a.m. on February 5, Air Defense Control radar picked up one of the B-47’s roughly 180 miles north of Charleston Air Force Base, but it did not pick up Richardson’s B-47. Ground control radar directed the 3 F-86’s to a point several thousand feet over and 15 miles away from Richardson’s B-47. Stewart, and his radar, locked onto the known B-47 and he began descending rapidly to “attack” the bomber, never knowing that he was on a collision course with Richardson’s B-47. Stewart didn’t know he was plunging towards Richardson’s B-47, as he was intently looking at his radar for fear of losing the other B-47 in the darkness, but he looked up for a second and saw the moon reflecting off the top of Richardson’s B-47. He attempted to roll the F-86 right but was unable to avoid a collision.

Stewart was able to eject from the crippled F-86, but, amazingly, the B-47 was only damaged. Upon inspection, the B-47’s crew noticed that the far right engine was bent upwards at a 30-degree angle and the right external fuel tank had been sheared off. Because of the bent engine the plane is rolling wildly. In an effort to control the craft Richardson cuts the power to that engine and then cuts the speed of the plane in an attempt to make an emergency landing at Hunter Air Force Base in Georgia. The tower at Hunter advises Richardson that because of maintenance on the runway, if the plane lands short it could cause the plane to crash, hurtling the Mk 15 bomb through the cockpit and down the runway at 200+ mph. Richardson radios Strategic Air Command and informs them that he is going to ditch the bomb in the Atlantic near Tybee Island, off the coast of Georgia. He does this and is able to eventually land the damaged plane.

On February 6, 1958, the Air Force 2700th Explosive Ordnance Disposal Squadron and 100 Navy personnel began the arduous search to recover the lost Mk 15 bomb. 10 days later an announcement was made that the search had turned up nothing, with the Air Force and Navy believing that the bomb was buried below the water in upwards of 5-15 feet of mud. To this day it has never been recovered. [1. Most, if not all, of the information for this post came from an amazing Washington Post article, "Lost: One H-Bomb. Call Owner".]