July, 2007

I Already Know How the Imaginext Dinosaur War Will Turn Out

Posted on July 27, 2007. Written by Glenn Vance.

Imaginext TyrannosaurusMy son loves Imaginext Dinosaurs, I mean, really loves them, loves them so much that he wants not just one red Tyrannosaurus Rex but also its partner, the looks-just-the-same-except-for-the-color green Tyrannosaurus Rex. Both are named Razor, by the way, but my son never calls them that. It’s always just “T-rex”. And those T-rexs live, of course, at T-rex Mountain. He loves these dinosaurs, which I suppose are probably the heirs to my old Adventure People from years ago in the 1970’s. And man, I loved those Adventure People.

And the dinosaurs are pretty cool. They move and make noises and stuff like that, but rather than just make them dinosaurs who coexist with each other, Fisher Price has turned it into a battle. From the Fisher Price site -

Imagine…a primitive civilization of humans and dinosaurs, living in a lush, green land. One side—the predators—are using up its natural resources, wiping out everything and everyone that gets in their way. The other side—the ecovores—want to preserve their land. And they’re willing to fight to make that happen.Will the predators succeed in destroying the land, causing their own extinction? Or will the ecovores stop the destruction and make the land a place where dinosaurs and humans can live together peacefully? In the world of Imaginext®, anything is possible!

Is it possible? Really? “If I had a hammer….”

Let me ask you this – did the predators win? Or the ecovores?

I don’t want to give this away, gentle reader, especially if you don’t know how this whole thing ends, but I really, really can’t help myself. I’m sorry. It’s just too difficult to keep such spoilerific information all to myself.

Okay, I’ll say it – they both lost!

Here’s how it happened.

The place is Pangea, and our enemies, the Predators and the Ecovores, are meeting up and about to have one of those mother-of-all battles, you see, and there they were, Razor and Ripper and Slasher and all of their allies, and they were moving in for the kill on Whip, Thunder, Tank and Hammer, when out of the blue, they heard something in the sky. They stopped their running and slashing and biting and looked up, quizzically, to the sky.

“ROWR?”
“ROWRROWR!”
“RUHROWR?”
“RUH…ROWR!”

BANG.

And thus died the Imaginext Dinosaurs as that big comet hit the Earth and destroyed them all. Sadly, they, and their political agendas, were lost in the coming ice age.

Can’t we just let them be toys?

  • Share/Bookmark

Read more from the Toys category. If you would like to leave a comment, click here: 3 Comments. or stay up to date with this post via RSS, or you can Trackback from your site.

Brush With Local Greatness, Vol. 6 : Charo

Posted on July 23, 2007. Written by Glenn Vance.

Charo! Cuchi-Cuchi!Kim and I met Charo at the Dallas Museum of Art several years ago when she came there to hock some new salsa or something for Pace. They had a car outside decorated up by some artist or something and she spoke and played her guitar for a few minutes before a crowd of about one hundred people. Afterwards she took questions, of all things, doing that “Cuchi-cuchi” thing she says every once in awhile. It was goofy and surreal at the same time, knowing that this was that strange unintelligible Spanish woman I’d seen on The Love Boat when I was a kid.

Kim, never one to shirk from making a comment, had the guts to pipe up when she said that she lived on the Hawaiian island of Kauai.

“We had our honeymoon there!”

It kind of threw Charo 1 off, but hen became excited. She was bonding with the audience, you know. “Oh, did you love it? Where did you stay?”

“South side of the island at a B&B.”

“The B&B’s on Kauai are wonderful, aren’t they?”

“Yes!!!” Kim was so excited.

What was even cooler was she even took a picture with us. She was wearing a red sequined minidress and was completely falling out the thing. We were going to use the picture for our Christmas card (“Merry Christmas from Kim, Glenn and Charo”) but Kim was laughing when the picture was taken and her smile was Joker-esque, so we didn’t use it, but, you know, it’s still a great story.

  1. Yes, I know Charo does not live in Dallas, but she was there, and we talked to her. So there.
  • Share/Bookmark

Read more from the Brush With Local Greatness category. If you would like to leave a comment, click here: Comment. or stay up to date with this post via RSS, or you can Trackback from your site.

What I’m Not Looking Forward to With The Bourne Ultimatum

Posted on July 20, 2007. Written by Glenn Vance.

The Bourne UltimatumI like the Jason Bourne movies because they’re gritty and realistic (kinda)1 and Matt Damon is much better as a CIA assassin than I thought he would be. When I first saw the preview for The Bourne Identity I was so-so with it, but in the years following that first knock-out punch I’ve been hooked like a zombie on fresh, delicious human brains. The two films so far have been great, but there are a few things I’m not excited about with this third one.

1) Damon has said no more Bourne films after this one.

I understand what he’s doing here. He wants to be identified with something else besides Jason Bourne2, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

2) The amazingly cool Brian Cox is gone.

I love Brian Cox. He’s one of the great character actors of his generation and seeing his character Abbott kill himself in The Bourne Supremacy was heartbreaking for me. I was very disappointed when he turned out to be a bad guy because up until that moment that he stabbed his lackey he was just a great amoral character.

3) More shaky camera fight scenes.

One of my big criticisms between the first and second films was the way hand-to-hand combat scenes were filmed. Doug Liman filmed the scene in Bourne’s Paris apartment from about 10 feet back, allowing you to see what was going on with the knife/pen fighting. Paul Greengrass shot the fight scene inside of the house in Germany way too close to the action and with far too many edits for my taste. French director Jean-Luc Godard3 said “Every edit is a lie,” and it’s true. I would have preferred a more continuous feel to the combat than a shaky pile up of visuals.

4) No more Franka Potente.

Unless some miracle happened in that Indian river, Marie’s not coming back. That’s too bad.

And unless there’s a huge plot change, this is how it will all go down – the CIA will find Bourne somewhere and try to dispose of him. Bourne will rely on his training and smarts and will outwit all of them and overcome his adversaries. In the end he will be more paranoid than ever.

I’m sure it will be good, though. We’ll see.

  1. If you can say anything about these movies it’s that they reignited the James Bond franchise. Daniel Craig is no Pierce Brosnan in Casino Royale. He’s one mean SOB. []
  2. Maybe he shouldn’t do any more of the Ocean’s movies then, either. []
  3. If you don’t know him, Godard was one of the most influential members of the French New Wave movement in film. The New Wavers experimented radically with editing, visual style, and narrative, and the movement has been claimed to influence many movies, from Arthur Penn’s Bonnie and Clyde all the way to Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs and Wes Andersen’s The Royal Tenenbaums. []
  • Share/Bookmark

Read more from the Movies category. If you would like to leave a comment, click here: Comment. or stay up to date with this post via RSS, or you can Trackback from your site.