Glenn Vance

Why is Everyone Scared of You When You’re Wearing a Ski Mask?

I remem­ber when I was a kid that some kids (not me) when they were walk­ing to school in the cold would wear var­i­ous things — coats, gloves, hats, and some­times the invalu­ably effec­tive ski mask.

I always wanted one. I never got one.

They were awe­some. Your face would be warm out in the cold. An effi­cient piece of cloth­ing for keep­ing your nose from freezing.

Of course, if you wear one now, peo­ple look at you a lit­tle funny. You can see it on their faces. “Who’s that shady, yet warm, char­ac­ter over there? Is he going to rob me? Kill me? Maybe blow up a bomb?”

Every­one thinks you’re a ter­ror­ist or a bank rob­ber or a mug­ger now if you wear a ski mask. Which is why I want to reha­bil­i­tate the ski mask’s rep­u­ta­tion. Who’s with me?

I want a ski mask just so I can drive around with one on. Peo­ple may stare but I’ll only do good thing while wear­ing my ski mask — help the envi­ron­ment, care for old peo­ple, be kind to ani­mals, go shop­ping for gro­ceries, all while wear­ing my trusty, warm and woolly ski mask.

Why can’t we all love the ski mask again? It never stopped lov­ing us.

02. August 2007 by Glenn Vance
Categories: Current Events | 1 comment