When Christmas Carols Go Wrong
I was out at the mall today buying some stuff and and heard Bing Crosby singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” over the intercom speakers and, being in a good mood that I was, listened very closely to the lyrics. If you take them literally the lyrics make the singer sound like a tool. There isn’t any mention of ‘please’ at all. Think of it this way — carolers are singing outside of someone’s house.…
“We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!”
“Wow, thanks guys. Merry Christmas to you too.”
“Now bring us some figgy pudding.”
“Okay, have a good night. Stay warm!”
“No, bring us some figgy pudding.”
“Figgy pudding?”
“Yes. Figgy pudding. Now. We won’t go until we get some.”
“Stop it. Leave.”
“No.”
“I don’t have any figgy pudding. What is figgy pudding?”
“We won’t go until we get some.”
“Why?”
“Because. We love figgy pudding.”
“I DON’T HAVE ANY FIGGY PUDDING.”
“What the — dude? We caroled for you. Now bring us some figgy pudding. Bring some right here.”
“Get it yourself. I don’t have any figgy pudding.”
“We won’t go until we get some.”
“People, leave! Now! No figgy pudding here! Not going to be any either!”
“We’re not leaving.”
“Get out of here! I don’t have any figgy pudding.”
“Ok, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer then.”
“Dude, I’m going to show you some good cheer in a few minutes. Let me get my .12 gauge of good cheer for you.”