I was out at the mall today buy­ing some stuff and and heard Bing Crosby singing “We Wish You a Merry Christ­mas” over the inter­com speak­ers and, being in a good mood that I was, lis­tened very closely to the lyrics. If you take them lit­er­ally the lyrics make the singer sound like a tool. There isn’t any men­tion of ‘please’ at all. Think of it this way — car­ol­ers are singing out­side of someone’s house.…

“We wish you a Merry Christ­mas;
We wish you a Merry Christ­mas;
We wish you a Merry Christ­mas and a Happy New Year!”

“Wow, thanks guys. Merry Christ­mas to you too.”

“Now bring us some figgy pudding.”

“Okay, have a good night. Stay warm!”

“No, bring us some figgy pudding.”

“Figgy pud­ding?”

“Yes. Figgy pud­ding. Now. We won’t go until we get some.”

“Stop it. Leave.”

“No.”

“I don’t have any figgy pud­ding. What is figgy pudding?”

“We won’t go until we get some.”

“Why?”

“Because. We love figgy pudding.”

“I DON’T HAVE ANY FIGGY PUDDING.”

“What the — dude? We car­oled for you. Now bring us some figgy pud­ding. Bring some right here.”

“Get it your­self. I don’t have any figgy pudding.”

“We won’t go until we get some.”

“Peo­ple, leave! Now! No figgy pud­ding here! Not going to be any either!”

“We’re not leaving.”

“Get out of here! I don’t have any figgy pudding.”

“Ok, bring us a figgy pud­ding and a cup of good cheer then.”

“Dude, I’m going to show you some good cheer in a few min­utes. Let me get my .12 gauge of good cheer for you.”