A couple of days ago I was getting up and Peyton, the baby of the family, was waking up too. Rather than put him in the bouncy seat, or let him play on the floor and bang a lot of toys on the tile, Kim suggested that I put him into the shower with me.We have a pretty big shower. It has 2 heads and is about 6 by 6 feet. Glass walls, very cool.
So I put him in there with me. I was tired, half asleep still and not firing on all cylinders. Peyton, naked, was on the shower floor. Usually in the morning one of the first things that Peyton does is poop. After that I change him and we both go on our merry ways, but like I said, I was tired, half asleep still and not firing on all cylinders.
So after rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I look down at him to make sure he’s fine and not splayed out on his back. And then I saw it – there was poop all over the shower floor. The hair stood up on the back of my neck and I probably lost all the color in my face as I went sheet white. There was garbage all over him and he was just about to start playing with it.
I grabbed him and held him up to the water, a cascade of poop raining down onto me.
Couldn’t get worse, could it?
I washed him off and set him down and started to clean myself up. After having been both peed and pooped on I wasn’t too worried about me; skin is waterproof, and nothing was going to get into my bloodstream unless I wanted it to, but still, it’s poop. It’s what your body doesn’t need or want, that’s why you get rid of it.
I looked down again at him. He’d pooped again.
Now I had two watery piles of poop on the shower floor. We’d reached Defcon 1 in my opinion. I called for backup.
Kim came and helped me out. She’d been asleep. I hate waking her up, but I felt that this merited a little teamwork.
We got him cleaned up (no more pooping after that) and then I scrubbed myself down. Later Kim, the saint that she is, Cometed the shower floor. What kind of woman would love you enough to clean up garbage? Like I say, she’s a keeper.