My Youngest is Obsessed With Mailboxes

When Peyton and I go out for walks around the neighborhood (which has become more and more frequent since I’ve started working from home) he notices lots of things. He likes to talk to Twister, the horse that lives across the street, and he likes to yell, “RUN!” and then run, and he likes to play with leaves. His greatest obsession though started probably a year ago, while watching “Blues Clues“.

Peyton really grew to love the show. I like it too, as anyone who has read this blog before can attest to, and I’ve got my favorite characters on the show, but Peyton’s has become Mailbox, who shows up rarely more than once a show after Steve/Joe have sang their mail song and always delivers “a letter from our friends”. Mailbox wants to be a standup comedian someday but he’s rooted in place in the front yard, so it will probably be hard for him to travel.

But Peyton loves the guy (or girl, it’s hard to distinguish, since his voice has a strange timber to it) and always sings along to the mail-retrieving songs that Steve/Joe sings. And this love has translated into our everyday lives as well now. So while we’re out Peyton will now want to look inside of the mailbox when we leave on our walk and also on our return to the house. And he likes the vanity mailboxes, like the mailbox that looks like a dog at the end of the street or the stone one that has vines growing on it. But he loves all of them pretty equally.

So the next time if we show up at your house with Peyton and he has a pile of your mail in his hands, you’ll know why.

I Am a Beer Snob

The other night I drove over to Central Market. I was ostensibly going there to get Kim some coffee 1decaf Snickernut but the real reason I was going was that I was out of beer. The last Späten Optimator was gone and I’d tried a single of Cooper’s Stout but the Traditional ‘Lost’ Beer 2It’s a tradition now. I just have a beer, in my Guinness pint mug, each week during ‘Lost’. Just something I do. had been missed last week because I drank the Cooper’s during ‘Battlestar Galactica’ so I needed a new six pack.

But what to get? So many to choose from. I wanted something different since I’d been drinking stouts for so long. Anchor Steam would have been fine but they were all sold out. Started looking around at all of them. Samuel Smith. Späten variations. Maybe a six pack of Cooper’s? The Rar Brewery from Fort Worth? They have about 300 beers so it’s hard to choose.

So I decided to wing it and try Coal Porter from the Atlantic Brewing Co. I wanted something different, a porter would do. When held up to the light I couldn’t seen through the bottle which is usually a good sign. Just not a fan of those Bud-esque light-as-water beers.

It sat in the fridge for a night and then I was going to have one last night during (don’t laugh) ‘Dancing With the Stars’ when my in-law’s showed up. My father-in-law hit the fridge 3Something he does with frightening regularity looking for something and out he brought a cold virgin Coal Porter. I hadn’t even had one yet and he was taking one.

I hadn’t offered one to him. The damn stuff cost $10 a six pack, so I was reluctant to part with one for just anybody, but he’s my father-in-law, so what are you going to do? Tell him he can’t have one? I lived with the guy for a year while my current house was being built, I’m too stingy to offer him one beer?

He opened it and drank and his eyes went wide. “Wow…that’s strong.” 3 more swallows and he was done. He set it down and walked to play with my kids.

A wasted beer. One freaking wasted beer.

I wasn’t going to drink after him, that’s just not what I do. I don’t take free samples from people handing out food unless I’m at Sam’s, so I wasn’t going to drink after him. We (the fam) just got over a virus, who the hell knows what he’s carrying in that mouth?

That bastard beer sat there on the kitchen counter until 10 pm that night. After Yamaguchi had won the competition I went and poured the remainder in the sink. Hershey-brown liquid headed for the drain, n’er to be seen again. With it I placed my other pint glass that had once held the second Coal Porter, now drained into me.

It was pretty good. A little thicker than the usual porter I like, but pretty good.

So yeah, I’m a beer snob. I don’t want people touching them without asking, capiche?

Putting a Baby into the Shower

A couple of days ago I was getting up and Peyton, the baby of the family, was waking up too. Rather than put him in the bouncy seat, or let him play on the floor and bang a lot of toys on the tile, Kim suggested that I put him into the shower with me.We have a pretty big shower. It has 2 heads and is about 6 by 6 feet. Glass walls, very cool.

So I put him in there with me. I was tired, half asleep still and not firing on all cylinders. Peyton, naked, was on the shower floor. Usually in the morning one of the first things that Peyton does is poop. After that I change him and we both go on our merry ways, but like I said, I was tired, half asleep still and not firing on all cylinders.

So after rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I look down at him to make sure he’s fine and not splayed out on his back. And then I saw it – there was poop all over the shower floor. The hair stood up on the back of my neck and I probably lost all the color in my face as I went sheet white. There was garbage all over him and he was just about to start playing with it.

I grabbed him and held him up to the water, a cascade of poop raining down onto me.

Couldn’t get worse, could it?

I washed him off and set him down and started to clean myself up. After having been both peed and pooped on I wasn’t too worried about me; skin is waterproof, and nothing was going to get into my bloodstream unless I wanted it to, but still, it’s poop. It’s what your body doesn’t need or want, that’s why you get rid of it.

I looked down again at him. He’d pooped again.

Now I had two watery piles of poop on the shower floor. We’d reached Defcon 1 in my opinion. I called for backup.

Kim came and helped me out. She’d been asleep. I hate waking her up, but I felt that this merited a little teamwork.

We got him cleaned up (no more pooping after that) and then I scrubbed myself down. Later Kim, the saint that she is, Cometed the shower floor. What kind of woman would love you enough to clean up garbage? Like I say, she’s a keeper.

Dislikes

You want to know what I just HATE? I mean, really hate doing? Everybody’s got stuff they don’t enjoy doing. Some things that are just completely annoying to me are

  • taking the garbage can down to the street when the can is really full and starts pushing me down the driveway, causing me to think that I’ll be crushed by garbage, which, as anyone can tell you, is the dream of all people
  • fighting with Kim about anything
  • cleaning up poop, particularly off of my son’s hands
  • seeing my son drink pee water in the tub

And then there are also things that are mildly annoying, like

  • picking up toys
  • flossing
  • talking to people I don’t want to talk to
  • forgetting that I left my contacts’ case downstairs
  • stubbing my little toe on a piece of furniture
  • realizing that you forgot to get gas in the car
  • not remembering to buy something at the grocery store that you needed after you got home

You know, stuff like that.
But I did something that I just HATE doing just a few minutes ago. I called home and woke up Kim from a nap.

Man, I so hate doing that.