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Month: July 2006

Clerks II! Run For Your Lives!

Clerks II is coming out! Run for you lives!

For some of you, you’re wondering what I’m talking about. Like my parents. If you’re like me, you know that Clerks II is a sequel to Clerks, the 1994 film that cleaned up at Sundance and made a star of director Kevin Smith, who, upon finding out his film had been selected for Sundance, had to close up the convenience store he was working at at the time. It was a great rags to riches story, very Capra-esque.

At the time I loved Clerks. At the time.

After repeated viewings I think it grows less and less funny, but that first time that you see it it is hilarious, usually. It’s very much a guy comedy, though, I don’t know many girls that like Clerks.

And then he started making movies, none of which really did as well as Clerks. It’s like the story of a band’s 2nd album : the first album took 8 years to make, the 2nd, 3 months. And they’re never as good.

He made Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma and then Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. After that came the worst of the worst, from what I hear, yes I haven’t seen it, Jersey Girl.

And now, with failure staring him in the face, he comes full circle with what made him popular. A Clerks sequel.

Lame!

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My Theory on James Bond

We’re getting a new James Bond film, with a brand freaking new guy playing James Bond, later this year. Yipee.

If you’re like me and kind of lost interest in what James Bond does along about when Timothy Dalton took over, you probably won’t care about this new film either. But I like the old school James Bond films, they’re fun and have their silly kitsch factor about them. And go ahead and make fun of me, but after Connery my favorite Bondie is George Lazenby. Yes, I like On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, ‘cause the movie rokkks, man. It’s got one of the better story lines and it’s the deepest you ever get into Bond’s character, since he gets married and all. And then she dies, which is gold, man.

But I’ve got a theory about all this James Bond stuff.

It started out with the last Bond film, Die Another Day. It was the 40th anniversary of the Bond juggernaut and they had a scene where the then-current Bond, Pierce Brosnan, was with John Cleese’s Q, and in the scene they’re walking through Q’s workshop and they have a lot of different gadgets and weapons that Bond used over the decades. Bond picks up the shoe dagger from From Russia with Love and looks at it like he has no idea what it is, just this quizzical look. He puts it down after pondering it a moment, but it sparked something in me. And I think I figured out who “James Bond” is.

Another thought – in the new film, Casino Royale, new Bond, the butt-kicking Daniel Craig, is shown earning his two zeros the only way that he can earn them – by assassinating two people. Later on Judi Dench’s M speaks with Bond. Now, if this were some sort of origin story, as it’s being purported to be, shouldn’t M look a little bit like Bernard Lee, who played him for decades before he died? If we’re going waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back to tell how James became who he is, why is M a woman? I don’t think MI6 from 1964 would want anybody else but Moneypenny.

Because there are many James Bonds, and the name is a pseudonym for someone else hiding behind the persona.

And it’s backed up by the line said by Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

James Bond: [to the camera[/mfn] This never happened to the other fellow.

It makes sense. If Daniel Craig has to earn his ‘00’ title then Judi Dench can be there, since Daniel Craig’s “James Bond” is circa 2006, not 1964. And it explains why Brosnan can eye a dagger shoe like a dork.

It totally makes sense. And you know me, I’m never wrong. Ever!

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Wipes

One night Noah was having a pretty hard time trying to go to sleep – he was crying, yelling, whining, general discord. He was up and down, out of bed, back to bed, out of bed again, so on, so on, so on. It was getting old, because by the time that the following exchange and situation happened he’d gotten up from bed about 20+ times.

So he came into our room again and said this time “Peepee on the potty.”

Now Noah is a bright kid and he knows ways to get us to pay attention to him, and we’ve got a standing rule that if he tells us he needs to pee at night, we’ll help him out, since he still has a semi-hard time getting onto the toilet by himself. So I got up and took him into the bathroom, sit him down, and he starts the grunting, meaning that he’s got to poop. He does his business and then I start cleaning him up. All the while he’s crying, yelling, whining, general dischord, like I said earlier.

I get his underwear and pj pants back on and we start heading back to bed, but he doesn’t want to go. I see I left the wipes open and start to close them, but he yells out –

“No!”

”No what?”

”Not the wipes!”

”What? You don’t want me to close the wipes?”

”Don’t leave the wipes.”

”Don’t leave the wipes?”

”No.”

So I took the wipes with us, and he got in bed, and he ended up sleeping with the box of wipes. He was cuddling them the next morning, too.

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The Red Hot Chili Peppers and NASCAR

Red Hot Chili Peppers, back when I was in high school and college, were pretty anti-establishment. They started out in 1983 and did mainly what I thought was hard-core funk mixed with punk. They wore only socks when they played live, they did gallons of drugs and were pretty promiscuous. And now they’re doing ads for NASCAR.

There’s a story about it over at Brandweek

Nascar Hot For Chili Peppers

June 28, 2006

NEW YORK — Nascar has actually found a way to turn up the volume on its marketing: by adding the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

A new 30-second spot, via Nascar Images, Charlotte, N.C., features the four members of the band in concert and literally in the pits as members of a Nascar pit crew, played out over the band’s “Dani California.” (“California rest in peace/Simultaneous release/California show your teeth/She’s my priestess, I’m your priest.”)

The spot will break on Saturday, July 1, on Fox during its coverage of the Pepsi 400 at the Daytona, Fla., International Speedway. Spend was not disclosed.

In the spot, the four Peppers yell, “Start your engines,” and Anthony Kiedis and Flea say such phrases as, “Nascar. How bad have you got it?”

What in the name of Dale Earnhardt is going on here? These guys were so cool and hip, I had friends travel to OTHER COUNTRIES to see them play. Now they’re NASCAR fans, or are they just getting old and worrying about where the money’s going to come from? This is just so lame. Another example of your idols (not mine, but other people think think they are) being less than you thought they were.

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