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Month: May 2008

Why Does Robert Smith Still Wear Makeup?

A long time ago, in a country far far away (England), a man named Robert James Smith started a little musical group called The Cure. They started out small with no one knowing who they were or what they were doing. In the 1980’s they started wearing makeup and dressing in black, mirroring their goth-influenced music that they were making at the time. They started getting famous, releasing their breakthrough album from 1987, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. Songs like “Just Like Heaven” and “Why Can’t I Be You?” propelled them into the American Top 40. After that they just got more successful until it all crescendoed with Wish, and you could say they’ve had a steady decline, much like R.E.M., ever since.

For the whole time the band never really changed, appearance-wise – makeup, black clothing, teased hair. Smith, who’s approaching 50, still pretty much has the same look that he acquired in the early 1980’s.

Why does he still look like this?

David Bowie had his glam phase and he outgrew it. Michael Stipe of previously mentioned R.E.M. even wore makeup for awhile but then he gave it up. What gives, Robert?

Well, maybe he’s a better looking man WITH makeup. Not that he’s a good looking guy to begin with, but yikes, if the makeup improves your look, then continue on, sir. If not, grow up. You just look silly now.

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George Lucas Needs to Have Fewer Ideas

I’m a frequent reader of Ain’t It Cool News, the grandfather of all movie rumor sites that was started by rotund Austinite Harry Knowles in 1996. If you want to know something, anything, about an upcoming movie that’s sci-fi or arty or action related it’s the place to check out first. More than likely that movie you care about has already held a promotional screening and someone has written in to the site saying if it was good or not. On top of that they put to print many movie rumors such as upcoming projects, scripts that are in the works and what particular people in Hollywood are going to be working on next. It’s an amazingly comprehensive site for the movie nerd like me.

And so I was perusing it the other day and came across a headline, written with, as usual for AICN, with too many exclamation points –

Lucas Talks INDY 5!!

Wha…? More Indiana Jones movies? Isn’t Harrison Ford getting too old (Of course, it’s not the age, it’s the mileage.) to do this kind of stuff anymore? Shouldn’t he be the loving father in a Sandra Bullock or Kate Hudson movie? Why not an arty drama, Harrison, like the Michael Douglas role you turned down in Traffic?

But then again George Lucas has never seen a bad opportunity to return to the well too many times. The second Star Wars trilogy was enough to prove that and once again Lucas is bringing the anger to himself. From AICN, quoting a Fox News article –

“I haven’t even told Steven or Harrison this,” he said. “But I have an idea to make Shia [LeBeouf[/mfn] the lead character next time and have Harrison [Ford[/mfn] come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out.

“And it’s not like Harrison is even old. I mean, he’s 65 and he did everything in this movie. The old chemistry is there, and it’s not like he’s an old man. He’s incredibly agile; he looks even better than he did 20 years ago, if you ask me.”

Come on, George! Leave. It. Alone! It was bad enough that you guys had to make just one more Indy film, we might have another 2 or 3 films where Indy is hobbling around while his son is the hero?

Good God, man, when are you going to know when to say when? Stop it! Just stop!

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Man, Joe from “Blue’s Clues” is Dumb

Being a dad I have to watch lots of television that I wouldn’t normally want to. I’ve sat through or heard in the background hours upon hours of children’s programs, some awful and some good. I can watch the “Wonderpets” or “Oswald” or “Kipper” 1Kipper is awesome. A small British dog that causes my 4-year old speak in a British accent following each viewing. but when it comes to “Blue’s Clues” there are 2 camps: those that like Steve and those that like Joe. I prefer Steve but my youngest child prefers Joe. He is almost 2 years old though, so I won’t hold it against him.

Joe, to the untrained eye, appears to be Joe-like, but he acts far more juvenile than Steve Burns ever did. Watching him you get the feeling, and it’s probably not Donovan Patton’s 2The guy that plays Joe fault. Steve, towards the end of his tenure on the show, seemed to be getting more and more cerebral. He would lift an eyebrow for effect here, a slight double-take there. He even used the word ‘jejune’ on the show.

Then Steve’s brother Joe showed up right as Steve was going away to college.

The producers probably wanted to go back to the more kid-friendly format of the early years of the show but after watching Burns Patton’s delivery seemed so pre-preschoolish.

When singing the signature song he looks longingly at the screen like he honestly doesn’t remember from program to program that he needs to use his notebook or find a clue. For god’s sake, in one episode he didn’t know where his nose was. Or his ear. Who in their right mind doesn’t know where his nose is? If you’re Joe, then you don’t, obviously.

The whole “Steve goes to college” angle was alright, since Burns wanted to leave the show, and, from his own website “we have male pattern baldness.” Steve was looking a little long in the tooth. But how could “Steve” get into college? He couldn’t find clues (as far as I know he only found one and that was in the “Blue’s Big Musical” episode) so how did he get into college? And what college is it? Stupid U?

But at least Steve got into college. Joe, the stupid brother, has been stuck at home for years now, living out his pre-preschoolish existence with a talking mailbox, some talking salt and pepper shakers, and a bar of soap that wants to be a ship captain. Maybe Joe is crazy and the “Blue’s Clues” show is all in his head, or maybe Steve was crazy and, living in the Bluesiverse, made up a brother out of thin air so he could escape his own insanity. Think about it. It could happen. Sorta Being John Malkovich-esque. Or like the ending of “Saint Elsewhere”. Maybe Joe is dreaming up the whole thing. Wouldn’t surprise me if he did.

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I Am a Beer Snob

The other night I drove over to Central Market. I was ostensibly going there to get Kim some coffee 1decaf Snickernut but the real reason I was going was that I was out of beer. The last Späten Optimator was gone and I’d tried a single of Cooper’s Stout but the Traditional ‘Lost’ Beer 2It’s a tradition now. I just have a beer, in my Guinness pint mug, each week during ‘Lost’. Just something I do. had been missed last week because I drank the Cooper’s during ‘Battlestar Galactica’ so I needed a new six pack.

But what to get? So many to choose from. I wanted something different since I’d been drinking stouts for so long. Anchor Steam would have been fine but they were all sold out. Started looking around at all of them. Samuel Smith. Späten variations. Maybe a six pack of Cooper’s? The Rar Brewery from Fort Worth? They have about 300 beers so it’s hard to choose.

So I decided to wing it and try Coal Porter from the Atlantic Brewing Co. I wanted something different, a porter would do. When held up to the light I couldn’t seen through the bottle which is usually a good sign. Just not a fan of those Bud-esque light-as-water beers.

It sat in the fridge for a night and then I was going to have one last night during (don’t laugh) ‘Dancing With the Stars’ when my in-law’s showed up. My father-in-law hit the fridge 3Something he does with frightening regularity looking for something and out he brought a cold virgin Coal Porter. I hadn’t even had one yet and he was taking one.

I hadn’t offered one to him. The damn stuff cost $10 a six pack, so I was reluctant to part with one for just anybody, but he’s my father-in-law, so what are you going to do? Tell him he can’t have one? I lived with the guy for a year while my current house was being built, I’m too stingy to offer him one beer?

He opened it and drank and his eyes went wide. “Wow…that’s strong.” 3 more swallows and he was done. He set it down and walked to play with my kids.

A wasted beer. One freaking wasted beer.

I wasn’t going to drink after him, that’s just not what I do. I don’t take free samples from people handing out food unless I’m at Sam’s, so I wasn’t going to drink after him. We (the fam) just got over a virus, who the hell knows what he’s carrying in that mouth?

That bastard beer sat there on the kitchen counter until 10 pm that night. After Yamaguchi had won the competition I went and poured the remainder in the sink. Hershey-brown liquid headed for the drain, n’er to be seen again. With it I placed my other pint glass that had once held the second Coal Porter, now drained into me.

It was pretty good. A little thicker than the usual porter I like, but pretty good.

So yeah, I’m a beer snob. I don’t want people touching them without asking, capiche?

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